Office Dares: 33 Ways to Succeed

In this tough economic climate it’s important to strive to be your best at your job. There are layoffs all around and we must all aim to please both our clients and our company superiors.

One quick way to do this is impress your co-workers with a skilled series of dares. We have devised the following point system to help you succeed at office dares. Try these out in whatever order you think works best.

One-Point Dares

  1. Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
  2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
  3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
  4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
  5. While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
  6. When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
  7. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
  8. Don’t use any punctuation.
  9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
  10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.


Three-Point Dares

  1. Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
  2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
  3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
  4. Every time you get an email, shout ”email”.
  5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, “dagnamit, it’s happened again!”. Then do it again.
  7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as “the office bicycle”. Then wink and pout.
  8. Call I.T. help desk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any pornography web sites.


Five-Point Dares

  1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
  2. Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
  3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
  4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
  5. When you’ve picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ”she can abort it for all I care”.
  6. After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
  7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
  8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness,I’ll never go hungry again!”
  9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
  10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
  11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
  12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
  14. Sign or p.p. all letters with your initials and a swastika.
  15. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, “I’ll see you tonight”.

Freddie Laker

I have eighteen years of experience leading, inspiring, and making ‘something out of nothing’. I'm lucky to have a track record of success both as a business leader and as a innovative marketer working with some of the biggest brands in the world. Currently I'm the Chief Marketing Officer at Kairos. Kairos is a technology service that removes the complexity of facial recognition software, enabling businesses and governments to detect faces, recognize people, and analyze behaviors on any photo or video. I love to write and talk about innovation, marketing trends, and the future. I've spoken at industry events including the Cannes Lions, SXSW, Internet Week, TheNextWeb, and Social Media Week in addition to contributing to industry publications such as AdAge, VentureBeat, Digiday, Forbes, and PSFK.

6 comments

  • Here’s some 10 pointers

    1. In a meeting go up to the client or most senior person in the room, offer them your middle finger to smell, put it under their nose and when they do say; Smell your mum! Smell your mum!
    2. Fart in the lift with strangers in there, then say ‘your eating my poo, literally eating my poo, isn’t that great?’
    3. Put a Chocolate bar in someones cup of tea, when it has semi melted place back on their desk and say you couldn’t get to the potty in time and had to do business in their tea. Then just say ‘ I hope ya like it’ and look for a thank you with raised eye brow.

  • Here’s some 10 pointers

    1. In a meeting go up to the client or most senior person in the room, offer them your middle finger to smell, put it under their nose and when they do say; Smell your mum! Smell your mum!
    2. Fart in the lift with strangers in there, then say ‘your eating my poo, literally eating my poo, isn’t that great?’
    3. Put a Chocolate bar in someones cup of tea, when it has semi melted place back on their desk and say you couldn’t get to the potty in time and had to do business in their tea. Then just say ‘ I hope ya like it’ and look for a thank you with raised eye brow.

  • A Nonimoose, that’s to much, and not hilariously funny like the original blog.

  • A Nonimoose, that’s to much, and not hilariously funny like the original blog.

  • Some good ones, there. Next we need some dares for people like me who work from home. I always tell my wife about the fights that break out in my home office. :-)

  • Some good ones, there. Next we need some dares for people like me who work from home. I always tell my wife about the fights that break out in my home office. :-)

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